You Know the Drill
by Soul of Insanity
Summary: A collection of parodies. Number 2 is up! You knew it was coming. Sesshoumaru falling in love with Kagome. Waaaiiit...Sesshoumaru? Falling in love? You've gotta be kidding.
1. Kagome's Masochistic Depression

My newest and latest venture will be into the land of parodies. There are so many standard Inuyasha fiction scenarios out there that are just dying to be made fun of. So I will attempt to do this that. And just so everyone knows-I'm not making fun of any of the writers of these fics, just the scenarios. So please don't be offended or pissed at me. And for my first parody I will be doing a scenario that I have also written. The one where Kagome sees Inuyasha and Kikyo together and gets all depressed. So I'm doing this all in good fun as I have also fallen victim to this scenario. Well, please enjoy it!

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You Know the Drill

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Kagome's Masochistic Depression

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Kagome snuck through the bushes, following the trail Inuyasha had made only 10 minutes ago. She knew he had left to go find Kikyo. She knew that once she found him her heart would break…again. And yet she kept plowing through the bushes. 'Hmm, I wonder if I'm a masochist?' she silently pondered as she pushed aside some branches and saw Inuyasha embracing Kikyo. 'No! How can it be! They're…they're...hugging! NO! I feel my heart beginning to break.'  And Kagome knew her heart would break further if she kept watching. So of course she kept watching.

Inuyasha breathed in the scent of Kikyo. 'Ahh, earth, clay, and death, so lovely.' Since his back was towards Kagome he didn't see her, but Kikyo did.

Kikyo grinned evilly and whispered in Inuyasha's ear, "hey, you wanna kiss?"

Inuyasha shrugged his shoulders. "Sure, why not."

So they kissed.

Kagome saw this and tears come to her eyes. 'No! What is this feeling in my chest?' She looked down. 'Oh silly me, there's a branch poking it.' She removed the branch. 'No! There is still a feeling in my chest!' She looked down. 'No! There's not another branch! That must mean my heart is breaking…again. Inuyasha you have forsaken me…again. Oh curse my masochistic tendencies. I am so depressed.'

Kagome sobbed once, which caused Inuyasha to turn around. 'Good, he's seen me.' Then she ran off, forcing tears to stream down her face.

Inuyasha broke away from Kikyo and sniffed the air. When he caught Kagome's scent his ears drooped and he got all sad. "I'm sorry Kikyo, but we are not meant to be. I have to go prevent Kagome from doing anything stupid and living to regret it. I just discovered right now that I am in love with her."

"Why?" asked Kikyo.

"I don't know. I just am. Good-bye Kikyo. May I never see you again," and with that Inuyasha left to go prevent Kagome from doing anything stupid.

"Good bye Inuyasha. Hmm, now who should I torture next? Ooh I know! Naraku!" and Kikyo skipped off, never to be seen again.

When Kagome got to the well she stopped and did nothing for a few minutes. 'Ok, that should have given Inuyasha enough time to give his closing speech to Kikyo.' She then dropped to her knees and wailed. She grabbed the shikon shard from around her neck and cried some more.

"Good bye Inuyasha. I will give you your shards and then jump in the well. Then because you'll have all my shards I will not be able to come back again and so I will be depressed for the rest of my life. But that's alright cuz you'll be happy. I just wish I could have said good-bye to you. Screw Sango, Shippo, and Miroku, they are not worth my time to go say good bye to before I leave them forever." Kagome then dropped the shards to the ground and stood up. "Good bye Inuyasha, I will now jump in the well and leave you forever unless you come and prevent me from doing anything stupid." Kagome waited for a minute. "I SAID, Good bye Inuyasha. I will now leave you forever unless you come and prevent me from doing anything stupid."

With a burst of trumpets Inuyasha flew out of the forest. "Stop Kagome! I have come to prevent you from doing anything stupid!" he shouted out in a valiant voice.

Kagome dropped to her knees again. "Oh Inuyasha! You came for me! But it is of no use. I am already too depressed to be stopped. You are too late to prevent me from doing something stupid."

"No Kagome! Do not leave! I…what's the word again…oh yeah. I love you! With those three words I can prevent you from doing anything stupid!"

Kagome mustered up some more tears before replying. "Sorry Inuyasha. But I told you; I'm already too depressed for those three words to have any effect on me. Have a good life." She then acted like she was about to jump in the well but lo and behold, Inuyasha ran forward and grabbed her arm.

"NO! You will not do anything stupid! I love you I love you I love you! Haha! No one can resist the power of those 3 words times three! I have you now!"

Kagome then gasped and stared at Inuyasha, love flowing out of her eyes. "Inuyasha you're right! The power of those 3 words times 3 chased away all thoughts of doing anything stupid. And guess what? I love you too! Isn't that amazing?"

"Yes it is. It is truly amazing," replied Inuyasha, starting to look a little bored.

"Oh thank you for rescuing me my knight in shiny, um, shining armor. My savior! My…"

"Oh just shut up and kiss me."

Kagome thought for 2 seconds. "Ok!"

So they kissed. And lived happily ever after.

THE END

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So did that sound familiar to anyone? I'm sure it had to, everyone has had to have read (or written!) one of those stories before. Well I hope you enjoyed it. Now I'm off to go decided what scenario I will write about next. If you have any requests or suggestions just let me know and I'll see if can do something about it. Well, until next time. Oh yes, don't forget to review! Bye!


	2. The Mostly Unlikely Love

Yay! I finally wrote another parody! Took me long enough, eh? But anyways, this parody focuses on you might say one of the weirdest fan pairings around. Sesshoumaru…and Kagome. However odd it may seem, it is quite popular (and I admit, I love this pairing too). So let's take a look into just how odd this pairing may be. Enjoy!

_Warning:_ This story is stupid. You have been warned.

Disclaimer: If I owned Inuyasha would I ever be writing something so stupid? Hm, actually I probably would. But that's besides the point, I don't own Inuyasha, never have, never will. So back off.

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**Number 2: ** **The Most Unlikely Love**

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Kagome stared in horror at Inuyasha. She couldn't believe the words that had just come out of his mouth. _Sorry Kagome, but I choose Kikyo over you._

"But Inuyasha, why?" she cried. "WHY! I thought you loved me like I loved you! Why would you break my heart like this?"

Inuyasha shrugged his shoulders. "You know, I haven't really thought it over that much. And I'm sure I'll come to regret it later, but you know, I'm just going to run with it. Yeah, I choose Kikyo. You can go do whatever you want. Just don't go to my worthless half-brother. Even though I tossed you out like the trash you are he still doesn't deserve you."

Tears streamed down Kagome's face as she slowly reached down and picked up her backpack. "Very well," she said sadly. "I'll just go back to my time since you don't need me anymore. Good bye Inuyasha, I hope you'll be happy with Kikyo." But inwardly she was fuming. 'Stupid Inuyasha. Stupid Kikyo. Stupid everyone. I hate them all!'

"Yeah, ok, thanks Kagome. Remember what I said," warned Inuyasha one last time before Kagome turned and walked away, her shoulders slumped in her depression.

When she neared the well a strong, very demonic, presence made her lift her head. What she saw made her yell in surprise and fall on her butt. Pressing a hand to her racing heart she stared up at the stoic demon lord. "Se-Sesshoumaru!" she stammered. "What on earth are you doing here?"

"I'm here to kill my worthless half breed brother. Stupid wench, isn't that what I'm always here to do when I find you?" he said impassively. Then he took in her tearstained appearance. And the very obvious lack of one royally pissed hanyou. "Where is that worthless hanyou? I wish to kill him now."

Kagome stood back up, anger clouding her previous grief-stricken eyes. "Inuyasha is an idiot. He chose the dead walking clay pot over me. Can you believe him? She's dead for crying outloud! What moron would pick a dead person over someone alive!"

Sesshoumaru's interest was piqued. "So I gather you are running away?"

Kagome looked from the well to the demon lord. She didn't really want to leave the Feudal Era. I mean come on, why on earth would she want to go back to all the modern conveniences of her era? "Sesshoumaru? Can I travel with you from now on?" Yes, after all, who wouldn't chose a coldhearted and bloodthirsty demon lord over the modern age? Besides, he was so _hot_, how could she pass up the opportunity of possibly dying at any second with him?

Sesshoumaru quirked an eyebrow in amusement. So the hanyou's wench wanted to travel with him? And why on earth was he actually considering letting her come? Wasn't he the self-proclaimed hater of all human life? Actually, wasn't he the self-proclaimed hater of _all_ life? Then he had an epiphany. _Tetsusaiga._ The wench could help him get it. Never mind the fact that he couldn't use it even she did manage to get it, he would have the bragging rights of having both tensaiga and tetsusaiga. How could he pass up this opportunity? "Ok human wench, I grant you permission to travel with me. On one condition. You will get me tetsusaiga." Plus, her scent was very alluring, strawberries and cream. He always loved the scent of strawberries and cream. Wait a second, what exactly was cream? Eh, whatever, she smelled good, that was all that mattered.

Kagome thought for all of two seconds. "Ok! It's a deal!"

"Very well, go get it."

Kagome's face fell. "Wait, you meant now? I can't get it now! Get me out of here first. Then we can back later when it is not convenient for either of us, most likely because I'll be pregnant with your pups, and get it then!"

Sesshoumaru eyed the girl in confusion. Then he shook off her words as a temporary lapse into insanity. "Fine. Follow me." Waaaiiit…he wasn't actually letting her get away with refusing a direct order from his highness? He blamed it on her scent. It lowered his defenses and made him do things very unlike himself. But he still wished he knew what cream was. And why he professed to like it just because she smelled like it.

"Thanks Sesshoumaru!" said Kagome cheerfully. She frowned when he said nothing and just started walking away. 'Well, I guess that means I should follow him. Ooh…look at his butt! Boy am I one lucky girl! Never mind that he's a killer, he's hot, that's all that really matters!'

When it grew to be dark outside Kagome started complaining. "I'm tired! I'm hungry! Let's stop Sesshoumaru!"

Seeing no real reason to not stop Sesshoumaru stopped. And caused Kagome to run right into his back.

Kagome 'oomphed' softly when she walked into something solid. She started falling towards the ground and preparing herself for impact when someone caught her around her waist. Opening her eyes she saw golden ones staring intently at her. Her heart started fluttering at being in such close proximity to the hot demon lord.

Sesshoumaru moved his gaze from her eyes to her soft, plump, lips. Hm, tasting them seemed like a rather good idea at this point. And since Sesshoumaru was never one to not do what he wanted tasting her lips is exactly what he did.

Kagome's eyes grew wide with shock when Sesshoumaru proceeded to kiss her. Now this was weird. _He_ was kissing _her_. She must have died and gone to heaven. It truly was amazing how fast her feelings for Inuyasha disappeared.

When he was satisfied Sesshoumaru replaced Kagome on her own two feet. That was actually rather pleasant. Just forget the fact that he still proclaimed to hate all humans. Remember, humans were weak, inferior, beings who all deserved to die. Except perhaps for the one who had the odd scent of strawberries and cream. He supposed she could survive. Especially since he still wanted tetsusaiga. Yes, tetsusaiga was the only thing he wanted with the human girl.

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The next day the unlikely pair reached Sesshoumaru's castle. It was big and impressive and had a lot of guards. Moving on…

"Sesshoumaru-sama!" screamed Rin, throwing herself against Sesshoumaru's legs. You would think one day the girl would manage to give herself a concussion doing that, but then again children are remarkably resilient creatures.

Sesshoumaru gave her a pat on the head, treating her very much like the pet she was. Rin detached herself from Sesshoumaru's legs and stared at Kagome. "Are you Rin's new mommy?" she asked in all her childish innocent. But wow, was that girl perceptive.

Kagome blushed. She was way too young to be Rin's mother! But then she looked slyly at the demon lord. But if Sesshoumaru was her father…hm, ok. She would absolutely love to be Rin's mother. "I don't know Rin," she answered. "It's all up to Sesshoumaru and if he still believes humans are the most vile creatures ever created."

"Hmph," replied Sesshoumaru. But now that Rin mentioned it…Kagome being his mate really didn't seem like all that bad of an idea. One that was really worth being thought over. "Kagome, come with me," he ordered.

Kagome's heart flipped. He had said her name! That did it, she definitely loved him now. How could she not? After all, he was hot and he said her name. What more could she want? Kagome followed Sesshoumaru further into his land. When they stopped Sesshoumaru looked deeply into her eyes.

He really couldn't understand it. He thought he despised humans. And he especially thought he despised Inuyasha's wench. But strange, in the span of one day she had managed to wriggle herself into his heart. What was even weirder was the fact that he never even knew he had a heart. Hm, perhaps she grew one inside of him. Yes, that must be it. He still blamed everything on her intoxicating scent. It made him feel all relaxed when he was around her. And dare he say it…happy?

"You wanted something Sesshoumaru?"

Determination set into his eyes. "Yes, will you become my mate?"

Kagome gasped and brought her hands up to her mouth. "Sesshoumaru! This is all so sudden! We just started traveling together yesterday!"

Shrugging his shoulders Sesshoumaru said, "I see no reason to prolong what we both want."

"Well, neither do I," replied Kagome, immediately throwing herself into his arms. She ravished his face with kisses.

"I just have one question," said Sesshoumaru.

"And what's that?"

"What on earth is cream?"

The End 

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There you guys go, wasn't that the most pointless story you have ever read? Sorry if any of you had a drop in intelligence while reading it, but that may have been a side effect of reading such an idiotic story. Well, please review and tell me how I've lost my mind! Later.


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